The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
