His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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