Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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