if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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