I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
