Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
