Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
