I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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