Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
