If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
