Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
