I think my vagina is haunted
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
