dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
