Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
