remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
