I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
