Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
