someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's shark week go big or go home
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
