thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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