And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
