...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
