haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
