I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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