worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
