I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
