Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
