I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
