Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
