Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
