Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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