maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
