i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
