The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
