First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
