Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
