I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
3 2 1 whiskey
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
