Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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