I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
