She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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