Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
