Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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