sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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