I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
