he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
