he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
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and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
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please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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