He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
