I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
