I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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