my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
