we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
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she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
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He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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