And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
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You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
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Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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