Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
