how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
