i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
