so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Oh god it's open bar.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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