Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
