I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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