drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
