Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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