wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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