You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This toilet bowl is my home.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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