she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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