I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
