I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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