apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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