I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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