Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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