Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
