Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
