the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
