My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
