Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
