i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
