Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
