wakey wakey hands off snakey
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
